Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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