He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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