shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We're too hungover to prance.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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