I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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