This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
