Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just pee around me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize