It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
