I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
