Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We got so high we made milksteak
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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