I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
