fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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