so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
