...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
