He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
