I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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