U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
