In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this beer tastes like vomit already
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
