Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
