guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We are two peas in an std pod
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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