i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
