You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
