So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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