At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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