I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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