dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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