Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Im part way to drunk.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
