Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
