she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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