Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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