Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
