Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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