i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
