I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
