i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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