Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
