We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
