And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
