We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
