Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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