Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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