Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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