I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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