All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
