he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
