I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
