I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
