The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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