Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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