do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You're like the curious george of whores
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
