I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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