I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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