It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize