So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
