This is not my ceiling
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
