It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
