thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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