I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
