Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
