I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
