So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
