well I can't set my house on fire every night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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