I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
