I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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