I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
