O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
