Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
