I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
