You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
