Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
