I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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